The following are real quotes taken from students' papers by secondary school teachers from around the country:
The future of "I give" is "I take".
The parts of speech are lungs and air.
The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.
A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the population.
Water is composed of two gins. Oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
The general direction of the Alps is straight up.
A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water then forcing it through an aviator.
Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.
The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.
One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
One by-product of raising cattle is calves.
The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.
The climate is hottest next to the Creator.
Oliver Cromwell had a large red nose, but under it were deeply religious feelings.
The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.
Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.
The blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the other.
Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.
A person should take a bath once in the summer, not so often in the winter.